Tag Archives: oscars

Not Quite A Haiku Review: Her (2013)

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I just fell in love.
Is it possible to marry a film?
Siri, please wipe my tears.

Theodore works for Star-Lord, apparently.
Please let me be his Mrs. Twombly.
I like future Los Angeles.

Scarlett’s sultry tones are magnetic.
Kudos to you moving aside, Samantha Morton.
That surrogate shit be cray.

Get excited about future games.
That little cartoon dude begs for abuse.
Everybody loves Mr. Adam Spiegel.

Here’s to Oscar-winning Spike Jonze.
And dedicatees Yauch, Savides, Sendak and Gandolfini.
Don’t go humping the fridge.

VERDICT: 5/5

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Not Quite A Haiku Review: The Wolf Of Wall Street (2013)

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Leonardo DiCaprio loves the crack.
But it’s ok because it’s only pretend.
He becomes Arnie Grape again.

Twice Oscar nominated Jonah Hill.
He wanks over former Aussie soap stars.
The Academy like that shit.

Matthew McConaughey is the man.
His money chant won’t leave your head.
Mark Hanna definitely needs bongos.

HOW IS MARGOT ROBBIE 23?!
She definitely makes me question my sexuality.
Her accents ain’t too shabby.

Disregard your moral compass, y’all.
This won’t make you desperate for drugs.
Just don’t throw any dwarves.

VERDICT: 5/5

Review: 12 Years A Slave (2013)

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Director: Steve McQueen.

Starring: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, Lupita Nyong’o, Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, Adepero Oduye, Brad Pitt, Garret Dillahunt, Sarah Paulson, Alfre Woodard, Paul Giamatti.

Running Time: 134 minutes.

Certificate: 15.

Synopsis: Based on the true story of Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a free Black man who was captured and sold into slavery. His struggle to keep his identity and stay alive are made even more difficult when he finds himself bought by slaveowner Edwin Epps (Michael Fassbender).

Following on from haunting, visceral Fassbender machines, HUNGER and SHAME, Steve McQueen’s latest, incredibly raw triumph grabs you by the scruff of the neck and demands your heart and soul. 2013 delivered two very different tales of Black oppression courtesy of Tarantino and Spielberg, but this nigh-on flawless retelling of Solomon Northup’s plight is the one to beat in 2014.

Finding art in the smallest of things, McQueen’s proclivity to linger where others would call cut fascinates and enchants – notably in an incredibly tense scene that finds Solomon’s life hanging in the balance whilst others go about their daily tasks. Cinematographer Sean Bobbitt once again melts into the director’s vision, creating numerous iconic moments from the spraying of fresh blood at the hand of Edwin Epps’ whip to a journey following Solomon through the woods. Malickian interludes serve to measure the years passed, but refrain from self-indulgence, instead letting us appreciate minor details and transforming 12 YEARS A SLAVE into a transcendent, necessitated rewatch. Continue reading

Because The Oscar Winners Deserve Nothing Less Than A5 Paper

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20 out of 24? I’ll take that.

Introducing The Denzel Washington Cookbook

I’m sure a lot of you are having Oscar-themed parties tonight. If you’re in the UK, your Alex Zane-fuelled excitement will go right into the small hours and if you’re in America, well, it all happens over dinner really, doesn’t it.

It’s tough to stay unpredictable if you host these things year on year, so I thought I’d give you a loving nudge in the right direction for a night that’s sure to be talked about just as much as this year’s Met Ball.

Introducing:

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Other recipes include: Remember the Tiramisu and The Scone Collector.

Because Only The Best Oscar Parties Feature Denzel.

– A massive thank you to Elliott Crossley for the image and D.J. Devereux for being part of the original, inspired conversation we had one day at work.

2013 Oscar Predictions: The Voice Of The People – Sort Of

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Last year, my housemate Becca decided to be the voice of the (fairly movie ignorant) nation and gave me her inspired Oscar nominations. War Horse led the way and you should definitely give them a once-over, here.

Seeing as she is my own personal Karl Pilkington of the film world, I once again decided to dig into the recesses of her brain and find out what she thought would win this year – taking into consideration that she’s only seen Silver Linings Playbook, The Impossible and half of Les Miserables (for reasons we won’t go into as she’s scared it’s not strictly legal). Outside the main contenders, she’s seen The Avengers, Snow White And The Huntsman and Mirror Mirror, but this house has mad love for Tarsem’s latest, so I won’t have a word said against it. Oh, and she’s seen Paperman as I put it up on Facebook when Disney made it available on YouTube.

Check out the voice of the people’s Oscar picks below, working from the technical categories up to the big dogs. And yes, this is verbatim. Enjoy: Continue reading

London Critics’ Circle Award Winners

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It’s an Amour love-in for the London Critics’ Circle. And the rest of the winners are rather lovely, too, even if the acting wins are for the most part on a par with what we’ve already seen during this year’s Oscar Race.

But London felt it was right to applaud Rust And Bone, The Imposter and Berberian Sound Studio which the Oscar nominations left out completely, with recognition also going to the wonderful Andrea Riseborough.

With a couple of other well-deserved wins for British talent, check out the full list of winners below: Continue reading