Tag Archives: eva green

Not Quite A Haiku Review: 300: Rise Of An Empire (2014)

300-rise-of-an-empire-sullivan-stapleton-bow-arrow

THIS IS DULL, LACKLUSTRE SPARTA!
A sequel that runs parallel to 300.
It isn’t very much fun.

Stapleton is nae Gerry B.
He graduated from Sam Worthington’s English school.
You’ll hardly remember him tomorrow.

We always see your tits,
But damn Eva, y u so fit?
Your combat earcuff be bangin’.

Calisto’s pa is rather young.
Jack O’Connell seems so out of place.
Oh hello David Wenham’s thighs.

Rodrigo Santoro is barely recognisable.
Make sure you play ‘Spot Michael Fassbender’.
Very stylish, but incredibly boring.

VERDICT: 2/5

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Review: Dark Shadows (2012)

DIRECTOR: Tim Burton.

CAST: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Bella Heathcote, Chloe Grace Moretz, Gulliver McGrath, Helena Bonham Carter, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller.

SYNOPSIS: After breaking the heart of witch Angelique Bouchard (Green), rich and powerful Barnabus Collins (Depp) is doomed to spend his life as a vampire – and then buried alive. When he is accidentally freed two hundred years later in 1972, Barnabus faces a very different world and a very different family.

Based on the American television series that ran from 1966-71, Dark Shadows is yet another excuse for Tim Burton to dabble in the supernatural and unconventional. But even with an immaculate performance from Johnny Depp, this new film from the duo (with Bonham Carter in tow, obviously) will have you begging for a time when they were joining forces for original projects like Edward Scissorhands. Continue reading

The Great Trailer Debate – Week 7

It’s been another pretty busy week for trailers and for the first time Nadine and I have disagreed on our favourites of the week. Next week – we’ll put it up a few days after Christmas – is the biggie, though, with The Dark Knight Rises (I lied when I said we’d do that this week!), The Hobbit AND Prometheus. Mental. So, as ever, take a look at what’s below and let us know if you disagree with our opinions! We have Men In Black 3, ParaNorman (NADINE’S TIED TRAILER OF THE WEEK), The Flowers Of War, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Perfect Sense, Rock Of Ages, Jack The Giant Killer (NADINE’S TIED TRAILER OF THE WEEK), Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance, Expendables 2, Salmon Fishing In The Yemen (EMMA’S TRAILER OF THE WEEK), Lock-Out, The Dictator and Casa De Mi Padre. Oh, and if you hadn’t already guessed, it’s Ewan McGregor week. Continue reading